Well, it has been a very busy 2 months! Ellasen is the most wonderful blessing Tim and I could have ever hoped to receive. We are so lucky to have her and thank God every day for allowing us the joy of having her in our lives.
I haven't had time before now, but I did want to log a little bit about her birth story and our first two months. I am sure this will get lengthy so feel free to skim as most of you already the story of Operation Ella Arrival. I really just wanted to get it down before I forgot all the details, and I wanted to have something I could print to put in her baby book. Thanks for bearing with me!
I went into labor on Friday November 20th at 9:30 PM, 10 days before my due date. Tim and I were in a movie (New Moon) with another couple, Jon and Emily Barlow. Because I knew that I would have to progress for a while we stayed through the movie. When we got home Tim went to bed, and I timed contractions. They were very strong almost from the beginning, and when they were about 7 minutes apart I called the hospital. They told me to wait as long as possible before coming in. Tim and I went in about an hour later. Apparently that was as long as I could wait. The pain was really strong. When we got to the hospital we discovered that Ellasen, who had been positioned perfectly for delivery for 9 months, was suddenly facing up with the back of her head on my spine. This, we were told at the time, is called "Sunny Side Up", but I can promise you there is nothing SUNNY about it! Ellasen's position accounted for the intensity of the pain. We spent two hours in the hospital, and we were released home because even though my contractions were a couple of minutes apart I hadn't progressed past 3 cm. We went home for a few hours, Tim slept and I tried to concentrate on not throwing up or passing out from pain! When we went back to the hospital a few hours later I just knew I was ready to deliver! Not quite...I hadn't really progressed any further than before. We stayed for a couple more hours, and just as they were about to send me home again my water broke. At that point they admitted me, and I got an epidural shortly after that. I had been in labor 16 hours at this point, and I was already exhausted.
The epidural was great, and I was comfortable for the first time in almost a day! At this point the doctors tried several times to turn Ella the proper way for delivery, but she wasn't having any of it! Tim and I watched our beloved Dawgs play while we waited for me to dilate further. When I got to 10 cm the doctors had me start to push. With the football game going in the background I pushed for 2.5 hours. Unfortunately I made very little progress. At this point I had been in labor about 24 hours. Suddenly and very painfully I might add my epidural came out. I am still not sure how it happened, but I could feel everything! I had had Pitocin (a contraction inducing drug) and my pain was constant. I was done...physically, emotionally I could do no more.
We made the decision to deliver Ella by C-section. They took me to the operating room where I got a spinal. Soon things were happening all around me. Tim was by my head, the doctor was asking me if I could feel "this" and "that" and I was shaking uncontrollably from the anesthesia. The doctors told me I would feel some pressure and boy did I ever! It felt like someone had taken all of my insides out...I felt hollow...empty...until I heard that first cry...and then somehow I felt totally full...whole...complete. Tim ran from my head to be with our daughter. He got to cut the cord, and the nurses put ink prints of her feet on his arms...he showed everyone who would look his "tattoo" which stayed in place for 3 days because we were too busy/exhausted to take showers! I remember as soon as Tim could pull himself away from Ella he ran to me and exclaimed "She is so cute..she looks just like you!" I couldn't wait to meet her! Soon they had me stitched up and ready to leave the OR with our new daughter in tow.
Ellasen Laine was born at 10:06 PM on Nov. 21st 2009. We didn't get back to our recovery room until 3 AM! I had spiked a fever during labor and both Ella and I needed extensive "looking over" after she was born. We also had days of antibiotics in our futures. Once we were in our recovery room we sent Ella to the nursery and attempted some sleep. Turns out sleep is almost impossible in a hospital even when you are so tired you think you could sleep through a hurricane.
For 3 days and nights we tried to rest, take care of our new little person, and count our blessings. One of my earliest memories of Ellasen Laine is when the nurses brought her to me that first morning. It was probably 5 AM, and the nurse came in to wake me up because Ellasen needed to eat. She was awake but quiet. They had her swaddled, and the nurse laid her next to me on the bed. It was still dark in the room, but she was so close I could see that her eyes were open. We locked gazes, and as she blinked up at me so trusting I knew I would never be the same. For just a moment, before all the hustle, bustle and noise of the hospital could take over, before the daunting task of climbing out of the bed to nurse in the rocking chair could commence, before there were people all around "helping", she was mine...all mine. I think more than any other moment that was the one when I became a mom. Not an expert mom by any means, barely competent and certainly not confident, but I was filled with surging pride and a fierceness to protect her that I will always equate to being a mom. I'll never forget the feeling I had in that moment, the feeling that it was all worth it. She belonged to me, but more importantly I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wholly and completely belonged to her.
Because of H1N1 flu the hospital had restricted the visitor policy to zero. Even though we would have liked to see our friends we were actually kind of glad we had a chance to bond as a new family. Plus we probably weren't very pretty to look at so it is good we didn't have the opportunity to scare anyone away. The nurses were great and I was up and walking around the next day. Feeding didn't go as well. Ella was early and small and my breast milk took a long time to come in. Ellasen lost too much weight in the hospital and had to start on formula. Since then we have managed a reasonable combination of breast milk and formula that seems to work for both of us. When we were finally ready to leave the hospital my mom was waiting for us. We couldn't have survived those first sleepless nights (who am I kidding SLEEPLESS WEEKS) without her.
Even though we needed a lot of help those first few weeks, I'll never forget the support I got from my wonderful husband who was the perfect father from the moment Ellasen was born. I still don't know how he did it. He amazed me. Somehow he managed to support me at every moment through all of our ups and downs. I don't know how he stayed so calm and comforting, but I will be eternally grateful. He kept me together...sane. It seemed he was already the parent I hoped to become one day. While I feel infinitely more confident as a mother now, I will never forget how he jumped head first into parenthood while I could only dip my toes. He didn't leave me behind though. He coaxed me those first few steps, and he has told me every day since Ellasen was born what a great mom I am. While at first I am sure he was fibbing, I gradually started to believe in myself. He continues to amaze me with what a great parent and husband he is. I could watch Tim and Ellasen play for hours, and I know she is the luckiest girl in the world to have such a special daddy (And here I thought I just married him for his looks! :)
We tried to start Ellasen on a routine pretty early, but since she had her days and nights mixed up it took some time. She also had some issues with reflux, but once we got that under control she has been a very happy baby. She is very content and can even put herself to sleep when we put her down for a nap. She seems to be learning something new everyday. She can smile, track people and lights around the room, listen as we read books and coo. She loves the bath now...although getting out of the bath isn't nearly as fun and usually causes some tears.
We had her two month check up yesterday morning, and she looks great. She weighs 9 lbs 4 oz. She had to get shots and I cried right along with her. She was laying on the table smiling up at me when she got the first poke...I was heartbroken as her face just fell into a mess of tears and a quivering lip. (On a side note, I am certain that if she manages to keep the lip quiver she will be able to get whatever she wants from her daddy ) I never imagined how hard it is to see your child in pain. She bounced back though and fell asleep shortly after. It might have been harder on me than her!
I am back at work now, and Ellasen loves her daycare. She seems to be thriving there. She follows the same routine we had been working on at home while I was on maternity leave, and we seem to be getting a good schedule down. Even though I miss her terribly during the day and I wish I could be with her more often, I know she is in good hands.
It was a harrowing journey from pregnant to parent, but we arrived relatively unscathed. We are so lucky in so many ways. I am very thankful for my wonderful family, and I look forward to all that this new role has to offer! Thanks to everyone for your love and support these past few months. We are grateful for each and every one of your cards, phone calls, emails, Facebook messages and meals. We are truly blessed in so many ways!
3 years ago
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